Liquid Waves O' Stevens

The Hypocrisy of Hypocrites!

Am I therefore become your

enemy, because I tell you the truth?

-Galatians 4:16

Out of all my fans and their mail sent in, most correspondence tends to be encouraging and uplifting, especially when they perceive that it is Stevens that is being made fun of, but every once in a blue moon, even I get the occasional hate mail. I do find it strange that I could commentate on pretty much any subject, any topic without any restraint or recourse at all, no creed, way of life or taboo is off limits as long as Stevens is in the midst and being made fun of. Well, I have found one bit of subject matter that throughout my quibbles has sparked heated debate and really gotten stuck in many peoples’ craw. And that, my friends, is the subject of the Pope. Look below for a sample of the kind of venom being spewed my way in regards to issue at hand…

At 7:13 PM, Anonymous said...

“Your comments about the Pope suck! Please limit yourself to Carl H. Stevens, Jr. HE is worthy of your stupid mockery not the lovely Bishop of Rome asshole!”

Now, normally I might respond kindly to something like how my comments (whatever they might be at any given moment) suck, or terms like “your stupid mockery,” or even the prospect of being asked to limit myself in any way, but the truth is, today I feel rather uppity and decided to tackle a subject totally uncharacteristic of the normal! “Lovely Bishop of Rome” eh? We’ll see about that!

A Pope, A Pope-Mobile And A Pile A Poop!

Rv:2:6: But this thou hast, that thou hatest

the deeds of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

Rv:2:15: So hast thou also them that hold the

doctrine of the Nicolaitans, which thing I hate.

-Revelations 2:6 and 15

For the record, I’m not against the man personally, what I am against however is the fact a bunch of morons decided to try and keep his corpse alive for the past 25 years! I mean, damn it, the only time you know he’s alive is when the wind blows and you see his upper lip jostle about. It’s getting to the point where I truly feel that The Pope has, in fact, died and they are just propping him up in front of the window and playing a recording of some vile filth that he spoke 30 years back! When you get to the point where you can’t even speak any more it’s time to throw in the mortal coil and just fucking die! See now Stevens and the pope both have this in common; they are both getting into the slurred speech arena and frankly, their shit just doesn’t make sense any more! It’s time to go, son!

I love checking out the various Pope web rings and web pages that litter the Internet. I love how most of their historical record of information ends around 1984; after that time it’s just bits and pieces of news and footage with some pictures and other such things that definitely don’t convince me that the man is still conscious. I’m telling you, when the assignation attempt took place, it was no attempt my friends! The shooter really did take the man out and he’s just been touted around to make it look like he’s still alive! The thing is if you look on the CNN web page about the life and times of the Pope there are quotes, made only by the Pope’s secretaries – none by him. Or at least none that made much sense, that is! This is like Stevens; they should not let him back onto the radio. I don’t care if he founded it or the world itself; keep him off the damn radio when he’s medicated! There is nothing like hearing men pushed passed their prime (due to thoughts of godhood), taking prescription medication, and then trying to speak on live radio/TV. It’s just not right folks!

I’ve heard of the Bat-Mobile, but damn, I have to ask… What the hell is the Pope-mobile anyway? No, really. What exactly is it? I’ll tell you what it is folks, it’s nothing more than a bulletproof, glorified golf cart that they commandeered for use as a makeshift hearse! I get no greater joy than watching that corpse known as Pope John Paul being touted around town in the damn thing. Let’s be honest, up front, and truthful folks; other than to the hospital or morgue where does he really have to go? Truthfully, other than that last final trek to hospital for just one last ride around town, where else does this man have to be? It’s like every now and then, he wakes up, and in a groggy-tone, tells everyone to prepare the Pope-mobile today because he’s got some shit to do! It’s like Stevens, where else does he have to be? I say put him in this little ready room like on Star Trek, tell him it’s Star Date 2012 and then tell him to shut the hell up just before locking the door and leaving him all alone!

Now back to the pope for moment. It comes to the point where you have to stop and wonder – you really do – because I keep hearing the faithful news folks who are covering the man 24/7 say things like, “He’s had to cut back on his daily activities.” What “daily activities?” The man gets dressed and gets wheeled to the window where he proceeds to say something along the lines of “God bless” in his native tongue and wave his hand to and fro! And you know damn well he ain’t wearing any pants while he’s at the window, smiling like he just shit himself. I see it like this; they prop him up there, put on his little hat that is about 4 feet tall, they place it on his head to keep his scalp warm and use masking tape at the back of his head to tape the fucker down, then they put the top part of his garb on cover his chest neck, breast and shoulders with the vestments so he don’t catch cold (and so folks don’t think he’s totally out of it like he really is), then from the window sill down he’s butt naked. Just think of that and then remember the time he let the doves go from that window stage of his! If he is that far gone, it’s time to just pull the plug and let the man finally die! Why do they feel the need to hold on to a walking corpse for one more day? Don’t get me wrong I understand why he himself doesn’t want to die – I wouldn’t want to either, especially if the world treated me like god on earth! Sure, Stevens has called himself “God’s Man” and other such things, but let me know when he starts having people kiss his ring in a manner of worship. Being called God’s Man is a far cry from “Holy Father!” The two just don’t add up, so you can take your god’s as you see them. People get mad at me for making fun of the ‘lovely bishop of Rome’ who out and out calls himself god, and says he’s our mediator between us and Christ, so quite frankly the lovely bishop of Rome can kiss my everlasting ass sideways!

Personally, the Pope needs to pack up his shit and get the fuck out of Dodge. It’s like those old Westerns, when Marshal Matt Dillon used to tell people: “time to get the fuck-outta-Dodge City, son!” OK, so he never said it exactly like that, but I in my head he always did! There really is nothing better than telling someone to get the fuck-out-of-Dodge anyways, so when it comes to leaving town the Pope is on his last leg! I’m a true believe of when it’s time to go, get up gracefully and just do it, don’t try and linger around like a bad fart! This applies to Stevens as well; it’s time to move on, not because a bunch of losers on the Internet say so, but because your shit just doesn’t make sense any more, old man! On a normal class/tape/sermon, people should be able to pick out more than 3 lines of communication and not have to weed through 45 minutes of stupid-ass stories about your dogs and how you named them; God didn’t inspire you to name them, Carl, your meds did that!

I want to talk about this getting the fuck out of dodge thing just a bit more. See, you had people like Johnny Carson who knew they were getting old and getting useless so they decided to leave while they were on top, this was the right thing to do. Now take someone like Bill Cosby, when his show ended, he went away until later he found something else that he could do that would work; when that is over, he’ll go away. What I mean is unless you follow politics you wouldn’t know Bill was back doing anything worthwhile. There are so many people who just knew when to call it quits; Bob Hope was not one of these people! I’m sorry Bob hope was funny about 50 years ago, but there is nothing funny about seeing him all glass eyed and high talking about “Thanks for the memories! Yeah thanks for the Memories asshole – a half dead bloated, red puffy eyed motherfucker being wheeled around in his wheel chair waving to the media only because he didn’t know when to get the fuck out of Dodge!

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