Once laughably called "the smartest woman in America," Hilary Clinton is loved for absolutely no reason. She's got to have some voodoo working, because to look at her you'd be hard pressed to sign on to any cause she's a part of. She's definitely a Queen Bitch. Yet this is the woman who would be president. You know she's aiming at it and you know a bunch of bra-burning, Harley-riding, short-haired women will be chunking out their ballots for her when the time comes!
Ok, now I know what you're thinking. He was a national treasure, a patriot, a first-rate comedian, an inspiration, and so much more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well guess what? He was also a golfer, which just about throws him right under the bus from the get-go. But beyond that, the man had bloody eyes. BLOODY EYES! Remember, just before the end? He had bloody eyes. It was sick and it looked evil, and if you took those eyes and put a 9-iron in his hands... well let's just say that you'd have my version of hell, my friends!
9 - Curt Schilling
This pitcher, the savior of Boston, the bloody red sock man of the Red Socks, is a jackass. Those BAHSTON bastards love him, but the truth is that he played up that friggin' ankle injury to make 'em all swoon! Then they act like he's the tough man, the one who pulled it out, the one to make it happen, the one to break the curse... HORSE PUCKY!! He's nothing, nothing I tell ya! And anyway, we're talking about Massachusetts here people; that's like the gates of Hades!
8 - Elisabeth Taylor / Dionne Warwick / Miss Cleo
Between these three grand dames we ought to have the future laid out free and clear, right? I mean, Miss Cleo can do the "TAHROO CAHD REEDIN'!!" while Dionne breaks out the pyramids and the crystals and communes with Gaia for us. Then Elisabeth "Nut of the Century" Taylor can run around on her 3rd replacement hip shouting "BLAK PERLZ!! BLAK PERLZ!!" So why are they tied for 8th place on this list? Well, they are freaks. Freaks who are into one of the following: astrology, new age, oxycontin, Michael Jackson, tarot cards, psychic networks, robes with dollar store appliqués on them, hair-dos that seem to confirm mental retardation, and... hell, we should have added Liza Minelli to this one!!
7 - Brigham Young / Joseph Smith
We couldn't decide on which Mormon whack-job was the worst, so we listed them both in another tie. Judging from their pictures, "Bring 'em Young" might have liked foppish Joe if he'd had a chance to hang out with him for long... These guys get the special moron prize for willingly following an "angel" named "Moroni." Yeah, talk about an obvious play on words...
6 - Lars Ulrich
Hrm, let's see. Metal mastermind? Check. Self-important blowhard? Check. Overcompensating for standing a mere 4 feet 6 inches off the ground? Check. All that and he took on all those kids who were downloading his songs, too!
5 - Reverend Sun Myung Moon
This guy is a silly son of a bitch. We're sure you've all seen the mass weddings and the 3 page advertisements, but have you also seen that the good reverend Moon is
YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR? LOL.
4 - Jim Jones / David Koresh / Marshall Applewhite
It's another tie for our list. Jim Jones, ol' Dave Koresh, and wild-eyed Marshall sure got the corner on weird. They also have the corner on dead. At least they had the testicular fortitude to take it (or have it given to them) the way their sheep did.
Uh, if you have found yourself at this website then we'll just assume that you know the score on Stevens. If you're reasonable, you'll know that really, probably, objectively, he's not all that bad as evil cult leaders go, but... oh, what the hell, he's a jackass!
